The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
