coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
