so explain again why im purple
no
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
