If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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