I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
