if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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