so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
