new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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