remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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