I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
