I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
