I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
