i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
