Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
