Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
