My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
