I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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