Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
