the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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