did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
