WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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