I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
