he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
