Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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