You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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