Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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