Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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