She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
