did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
