Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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