omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
