But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
