i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
