I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
