U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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