he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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