trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
