I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
