jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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