Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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