I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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