Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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