I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
