i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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