I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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