Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
