Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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