She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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