after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
