I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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