I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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