The maid of honor just puked.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She announced her abortion via fbk
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
