So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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