Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i permit you to call me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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