he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
