the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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