Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
