idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
